“Son, I want you to turn your back on this Oak Tree, the river and the mountains in front of you. I want you to turn around and see from where we have come. Do it now. Look and see what is behind you.” He instructed.
As I turned to look across the fields to the places from which we had come, I saw something that I didn’t expect. What I was shocked to see was something like a black and white Salvador Dali painting filled with a chaotic dissonance of lines jumping into different dimensions and where nothing made sense. It was horrible to look at. Brokenness was the main theme and there was a complete lack of order. Beauty was nowhere to be found in the image before me.
Yet, as I looked more carefully, there was a degree of familiarity. Segments of places and things that are important to my background and to my memories became increasingly evident the longer I looked. I even began to recognize people, or at least what seemed to be people as I search the horizon line.
After several minutes of stunned silence, I finally found words. “What does this mean? It’s so horrible. It’s so dark. It’s… it’s awful.” Without turning away from the object of my attention, I asked. “What does this mean?”
He didn’t answer me right away, but allowed me to consider what He’d placed before me a little longer. When I could not stand it any longer, He finally spoke.
Very softly He said, “Son, this is your past.”
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was in shock.
“How can this awful thing be my past? I’ve been happy! I’ve done some good things in my life! I’ve known You my whole life. Are you sure?” I asked with seriousness.
He laughed. Not the laughter of someone who is being mean, but the laughter of someone who sees something that you haven’t seen yet. His laughter confused me all the more.
“Yes, I’m sure.” He said with that warmth that just oozes out of Him. “It’s your past.”
I studied the scene again in utter amazement. And as I did, I began to see even more deeply into the image. It took on a greater degree of three dimensionality and I could look deeper into it. You might say it was coming to life. Slowly the realization came that it really was my past. Memories of events, long forgotten, came rushing back into my consciousness and the feelings associated with those events came alongside. Disappointments, lost loves, lies told, goals not met, hidden secrets - there they were. Right for me to see with new eyes.
“It is, isn’t it?” I said in agreement. “It is my past. Wow. I don’t know what to do with this. It’s overwhelming.” And then the tears began to flow.
I wept for a variety of reasons. Guilt over things that I done wrong and people that I had hurt. Regrets over bad decisions and failures. Grief over lost relationships and love gone sour. Disappointments from those who’d promised one thing but delivered much less. Sorrow in remembrances of loved ones who had died. Frustration at lost opportunities. My tears were a mixed bag of pain from a past that was much darker than what I’d convinced myself of.
I’m not sure how long I wept, but it seemed like a considerable amount of time. And all the while, Jesus just held my hand. He didn’t say a word. His touch was more than enough. Even in the hardest part of the emotional review of the past, His touch sustained me, and I knew I get through it.
Finally, my sobs lessened. My chest stopped heaving and my tears dried up. From somewhere, a tissue was offered. And I gradually regained my composure. All the while, Jesus was by my side, not in a hurry and not uncomfortable.
I looked up to Jesus, expecting Him to say something. And finally, when He knew that I was ready to hear, He did.
“Son, that’s your past. Be glad. Son, it is in your past. It isn’t in your present and it certainly isn’t in your future. It is done.” came His words. “Listen carefully, for this is why I brought you out here today.”
“Yes, please!” I urged Him onward.
“Everyone has a past. While no one’s past looks exactly the same as another’s, they do tend to look somewhat similar. As you can see in yours, there is brokenness, there is loss and disappointment. You’ve loved and lost. You’ve tried and failed. You been lied to, and you’ve lied to others. You’ve been hurt, and you have hurt others. This is your past.” He explained.
“But, it makes me feel so bad. So…” I stammered for the right words, “I don’t know, so guilty.”
“Son, I don’t show you this to make you feel guilty.” He said with gentleness.
“No?” I replied with incredulity.
“No. Not at all.” came His response.
“Then why?” I asked.
“I want you to see where you came from, not to inject guilt into your life, your guilt was forever dealt with when I went to the Cross on your behalf. I can look at your past and I don’t see a guilty person. I see my son. I see my son.” He spoke with such certainty that I was immediately convinced of the reality of what He was saying. “In the midst of what you see as a mess, I see my son. All that I can see if the object of My love. I see my son.”
He paused. I pondered. I see the lies, the failures, all the bad stuff. It breaks my heart to see it, but He just sees me. He sees me. Wow.
“Son, you feel guilty, but I want to tell you something right now. And I want you to get this deep within. Here it is: you aren’t guilty. You aren’t a ‘sinner saved by grace.’ Don’t allow those labels to be put upon yourself. That’s not how I see things. And, as you well know, how I see things is how they really are.” He said with that contagious laugh. “Here’s what I see: You are my son. When I said, ‘It is finished’ I meant it. What I accomplished there was thorough and complete. You are my son. Period.” He stated emphatically.
My head was spinning. This was certainly a radical idea that I’d never considered. In fact, while I had some idea about grace, I also thought that God saw me as a screwup. But because He is God, and because He has to be nice, He reluctantly forgave me. But Jesus was saying that I am loved and that He doesn’t see me as a screwup, He sees me as His son. Wow.
“Then why show me my past?” I had to know. But I sure wasn’t ready to hear what He was about to say.
“I show you the past in order to help you see the glory of your present and your future.” came the unexpected reply.
Glory? Glory of my present? And of my future? What does that even mean? Glory? Isn’t that something that we sing about in church and has to do with flying angels and stuff like that? But Jesus is suggesting that in my life right now I need to see glory. Holy smokes, I am confused.
“Son, today is a day of amazing glory and possibility. I’ve called you out of your slumber into the glory and wonder of walking with Me into the future!” He said, interrupting my wild thoughts. “I’m showing you something that will change the remainder of your life. You and I have a destination today, and that destination is that you are going to see things like you’ve never seen before. And what you are going to see, is glory.”
Slowly the realization of what was happening began to unfold within the deep places of my soul. I was being given a gift of tremendous value.
“Yes, you are.” He smiled. “Now, enough of the past. It is finished. It’s time for a whole new way of living, of being, of thinking. Are you ready to put what is behind you, behind you?”
“I think so, but can we wait a minute? I’ve got a question.” I asked with sincerity.
“Yes, of course. I’m never in a hurry. Go ahead.” He urged.
“What do I do with the pain, sorrow, disappointments that are back there in my past?” I asked.
“We can take care of that right now. Son, the first thing one must do to be free of the past is to take responsibility for what you are responsible for. Own your mistakes.” He said. “It’s called confession. Did you know that ‘confession’ is simply coming into agreement with Me about what you’ve done? When you confess, you are simply saying: ‘Yes. I agree with You that I’ve messed up.’ You aren’t surprising me, you are agreeing with me!”
“And secondly, fix what you can fix. My friends in 12-step groups call this ‘making amends.’ Where it is possible and where it won’t cause more harm, apologize for what you’ve done wrong and ask for forgiveness.”
“Lastly, and vitally important, forgive those who have harmed you. Let them go. Do not carry bitterness. Let it go.” Jesus instructed. “These three tools set you free from the past. And they empower you to step into the destiny that I have for you.”
“I can do this anytime that stuff comes up from the past, can’t I?” I said with a realization of the freedom that I’d just been given.
“Yes!” He laughed. “That’s exactly right.”
“Wow.” I replied with amazement.
“Now, have we looked in the rear view mirror of your life long enough?” Jesus inquired light-heartedly.
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