On The Increase - A Journey Into Freedom (sample chapter of Doug's first book)

Preface

“The older I get the more I believe that all mankind has common struggles, private doubts and wounds. The people who can tell their story – their testimony – about a chapter of life with courage and grace create a safe place for others to exist. Your story empowers others to come to terms with their own story.” Dr. Lance Wallnau

This is a story about a man with many struggles, numerous doubts and a degree of woundedness. He’s a lot like some of the people found in the Bible. People with faults. People like you and me. Yet, through their stories, and hopefully through this one, encouragement to press on into greater life with God is found. In the story, as you’ll read, he discovers exactly what he is looking for.

Some of the details of this story might seem to be nearly autobiographical to those of you who know me. Perhaps they are, perhaps they aren’t. I wrote because I was under extreme compulsion to write. And it has been a valuable experience for me to do so.

My goal is that all who take the time to read it will reflect on their own life and discover something life-affirming or freedom enhancing as a result. I believe that the greatest gift God gave us in His Son is the ability to be free. Free from that which has held us back and freedom to live really well, just like He intended for us in the first place.
And with that, read the story. Enjoy it. And be encouraged. It is time for your increase!
Douglas J Love February 2014

Chapter One: Meet Increase - A man hungry for more

“Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." John Eldredge

“It is abnormal for a Christian not to have an appetite for the impossible. It has been written into our spiritual DNA to hunger for the impossibilities around us to bow at the name of Jesus.” Bill Johnson

“There is no passion to be found playing small — in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

Have you ever felt deep down inside where it really matters, there is more to life than what you were experiencing? What if there are mysteries to be explored, territories to be conquered and victories to be won? Is constant joy a reality to be experienced or simply the musings of the madman or the mystic? Imagine, if you dare, the possibilities that life has to offer that far exceed what the ordinary man discovers.

What if unimaginable bliss was within grasp? What if you weren’t careful, you’d find yourself living life unaware and missing out on the really big thing? In the midst of the normal things of contemporary life is it possible to open up Heaven and see things as the heroes of scripture did?

This is the story of such a man who always dreamed that he was destined to find the bigger things in life. This man, imperfect and flawed like the rest of us, had sensed in his inner being that there was more to life than what he saw at face value. His name is Increase and this is his tale of how his pursuit for more came to be.

Increase grew up in an era when front doors weren't locked, mothers stayed home with the children, and everyone had one black and white television. Cell phones, the internet and text messaging didn’t exist, or hadn’t even been dreamt of, but somehow people stayed in touch. Increase’s father would call his son home from playing in the neighbor’s yard with his unmistakable whistle, and without a doubt that meant ‘get home now.’ With a fill up at the Service Station they checked your tire pressure and made sure your oil was okay, and then washed your windows, all for 30 cents a gallon for Ethyl. Little League, Boy Scouts and Church took up most families free time, and life was pretty good. Sure, most people in the town where Increase spent his formative years were concerned about the 'Bomb' and all out war with the Russians, but largely it was a more innocent time, one might even say a happy time.

“Did you ever watch the TV show 'The Wonder Years?’" Increase asked a friend, “That was my childhood. I was Kevin Arnold. We rode our bikes everywhere we needed to go. In the summer months we stayed out until long after dark playing football, catching tadpoles in the river and running amok in the neighborhood. All of our neighbors knew our names and would straighten us out when we were out of line. Those were good days.”

As Increase left his childhood behind and entered his teen and young adult years, an internal change began. “Sometimes I wonder, is there more? Can I have more than what I have now?” He wasn't talking about material possessions, but he was hungry to explore the deeper things of life. Sure he had his faith in God, but he often would ponder if going to church meetings, reading The Book and doing good things was all that God had in mind for His people.

Increase would think, “There's got to be more than that! When I read The Book, I see men and women having wild adventures, so why is my life so tame? Isn’t there more than book study, going to meetings, being good and doing right? I want to be like Gideon sneaking into the enemy camp at night, or William Wallace rallying his countrymen against tyranny. There is something about the Meeting Place that is too tame, too civilized. Sometimes, I just want to go out and do something a little wild!”

But Increase was a product of Partly Right. In spite of his inner hunger for more, he was very afraid, and extremely careful. Where others might jump in, he’d carefully wade. The tapes playing in his mind from The Powers That Be and his conservative authority influences caused him to hold back.

“Be careful,” was one of the chief messages he’d received from his mother. “Don’t think more highly of yourself, young man,” said Hair in a Bun, his matronly Sunday School teacher from childhood. “Just try to fit in, you’ll be happier,” was the overall message in Partly Right.

Regardless of these messages, the desire for ‘more’ was rapidly expanding in his heart. He simply wasn’t going to remain satisfied with the status quo for much longer. Something had to change.

Dreams of Another Kind - Out of My Slumber Part Three: Looking Back

“But forget all that--it is nothing compared to 
what I am going to do.” 
Isaiah 43:18

“Son, I want you to turn your back on this Oak Tree, the river and the mountains in front of you. I want you to turn around and see from where we have come. Do it now. Look and see what is behind you.” He instructed.

As I turned to look across the fields to the places from which we had come, I saw something that I didn’t expect. What I was shocked to see was something like a black and white Salvador Dali painting filled with a chaotic dissonance of lines jumping into different dimensions and where nothing made sense. It was horrible to look at. Brokenness was the main theme and there was a complete lack of order. Beauty was nowhere to be found in the image before me.

Yet, as I looked more carefully, there was a degree of familiarity. Segments of places and things that are important to my background and to my memories became increasingly evident the longer I looked. I even began to recognize people, or at least what seemed to be people as I search the horizon line.

After several minutes of stunned silence, I finally found words. “What does this mean? It’s so horrible. It’s so dark. It’s… it’s awful.” Without turning away from the object of my attention, I asked. “What does this mean?”

He didn’t answer me right away, but allowed me to consider what He’d placed before me a little longer. When I could not stand it any longer, He finally spoke.

Very softly He said, “Son, this is your past.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was in shock.

“How can this awful thing be my past? I’ve been happy! I’ve done some good things in my life! I’ve known You my whole life. Are you sure?” I asked with seriousness.

He laughed. Not the laughter of someone who is being mean, but the laughter of someone who sees something that you haven’t seen yet. His laughter confused me all the more.

“Yes, I’m sure.” He said with that warmth that just oozes out of Him. “It’s your past.”

I studied the scene again in utter amazement. And as I did, I began to see even more deeply into the image. It took on a greater degree of three dimensionality and I could look deeper into it. You might say it was coming to life. Slowly the realization came that it really was my past. Memories of events, long forgotten, came rushing back into my consciousness and the feelings associated with those events came alongside. Disappointments, lost loves, lies told, goals not met, hidden secrets - there they were. Right for me to see with new eyes.

“It is, isn’t it?” I said in agreement. “It is my past. Wow. I don’t know what to do with this. It’s overwhelming.” And then the tears began to flow.

I wept for a variety of reasons. Guilt over things that I done wrong and people that I had hurt. Regrets over bad decisions and failures. Grief over lost relationships and love gone sour. Disappointments from those who’d promised one thing but delivered much less. Sorrow in remembrances of loved ones who had died. Frustration at lost opportunities. My tears were a mixed bag of pain from a past that was much darker than what I’d convinced myself of.

I’m not sure how long I wept, but it seemed like a considerable amount of time. And all the while, Jesus just held my hand. He didn’t say a word. His touch was more than enough. Even in the hardest part of the emotional review of the past, His touch sustained me, and I knew I get through it.

Finally, my sobs lessened. My chest stopped heaving and my tears dried up. From somewhere, a tissue was offered. And I gradually regained my composure. All the while, Jesus was by my side, not in a hurry and not uncomfortable.

I looked up to Jesus, expecting Him to say something. And finally, when He knew that I was ready to hear, He did.

“Son, that’s your past. Be glad. Son, it is in your past. It isn’t in your present and it certainly isn’t in your future. It is done.” came His words. “Listen carefully, for this is why I brought you out here today.”

“Yes, please!” I urged Him onward.

“Everyone has a past. While no one’s past looks exactly the same as another’s, they do tend to look somewhat similar. As you can see in yours, there is brokenness, there is loss and disappointment. You’ve loved and lost. You’ve tried and failed. You been lied to, and you’ve lied to others. You’ve been hurt, and you have hurt others. This is your past.” He explained.

“But, it makes me feel so bad. So…” I stammered for the right words, “I don’t know, so guilty.”

“Son, I don’t show you this to make you feel guilty.” He said with gentleness.

“No?” I replied with incredulity.

“No. Not at all.” came His response.

“Then why?” I asked.

“I want you to see where you came from, not to inject guilt into your life, your guilt was forever dealt with when I went to the Cross on your behalf. I can look at your past and I don’t see a guilty person. I see my son. I see my son.” He spoke with such certainty that I was immediately convinced of the reality of what He was saying. “In the midst of what you see as a mess, I see my son. All that I can see if the object of My love. I see my son.”

He paused. I pondered. I see the lies, the failures, all the bad stuff. It breaks my heart to see it, but He just sees me. He sees me. Wow.

“Son, you feel guilty, but I want to tell you something right now. And I want you to get this deep within. Here it is: you aren’t guilty. You aren’t a ‘sinner saved by grace.’ Don’t allow those labels to be put upon yourself. That’s not how I see things. And, as you well know, how I see things is how they really are.” He said with that contagious laugh. “Here’s what I see: You are my son. When I said, ‘It is finished’ I meant it. What I accomplished there was thorough and complete. You are my son. Period.” He stated emphatically.

My head was spinning. This was certainly a radical idea that I’d never considered. In fact, while I had some idea about grace, I also thought that God saw me as a screwup. But because He is God, and because He has to be nice, He reluctantly forgave me. But Jesus was saying that I am loved and that He doesn’t see me as a screwup, He sees me as His son. Wow.

“Then why show me my past?” I had to know. But I sure wasn’t ready to hear what He was about to say.

“I show you the past in order to help you see the glory of your present and your future.” came the unexpected reply.

Glory? Glory of my present? And of my future? What does that even mean? Glory? Isn’t that something that we sing about in church and has to do with flying angels and stuff like that? But Jesus is suggesting that in my life right now I need to see glory. Holy smokes, I am confused.

“Son, today is a day of amazing glory and possibility. I’ve called you out of your slumber into the glory and wonder of walking with Me into the future!” He said, interrupting my wild thoughts. “I’m showing you something that will change the remainder of your life. You and I have a destination today, and that destination is that you are going to see things like you’ve never seen before. And what you are going to see, is glory.”

Slowly the realization of what was happening began to unfold within the deep places of my soul. I was being given a gift of tremendous value.

“Yes, you are.” He smiled. “Now, enough of the past. It is finished. It’s time for a whole new way of living, of being, of thinking. Are you ready to put what is behind you, behind you?”

“I think so, but can we wait a minute? I’ve got a question.” I asked with sincerity.

“Yes, of course. I’m never in a hurry. Go ahead.” He urged.

“What do I do with the pain, sorrow, disappointments that are back there in my past?” I asked.

“We can take care of that right now. Son, the first thing one must do to be free of the past is to take responsibility for what you are responsible for. Own your mistakes.” He said. “It’s called confession. Did you know that ‘confession’ is simply coming into agreement with Me about what you’ve done? When you confess, you are simply saying: ‘Yes. I agree with You that I’ve messed up.’ You aren’t surprising me, you are agreeing with me!”

“And secondly, fix what you can fix. My friends in 12-step groups call this ‘making amends.’ Where it is possible and where it won’t cause more harm, apologize for what you’ve done wrong and ask for forgiveness.”

“Lastly, and vitally important, forgive those who have harmed you. Let them go. Do not carry bitterness. Let it go.” Jesus instructed. “These three tools set you free from the past. And they empower you to step into the destiny that I have for you.”

“I can do this anytime that stuff comes up from the past, can’t I?” I said with a realization of the freedom that I’d just been given.

“Yes!” He laughed. “That’s exactly right.”

“Wow.” I replied with amazement.

“Now, have we looked in the rear view mirror of your life long enough?” Jesus inquired light-heartedly.

Dreams of Another Kind - Out of My Slumber Part Two: The Oak Tree

"We have no idea who we really are. Whatever glory bestowed, whatever glory is being restored, we thought the whole Christian thing was about... something else. Trying not to sin. Going to church. Being nice. Jesus says it is about healing your heart, setting it free, restoring your glory. A religious fog has tried to veil all that, put us under some sort of spell or amnesia, to keep us from coming alive.” John Eldredge

Suddenly, we were in a massive field of rolling undulations covered with the softest, greenest grass I’d ever seen. Not quite ready for harvest, the smell in the air was of rich, moist freshly tilled earth and filled with a sweetness that makes one yearn to dig your fingers deep into the soil.

Off in the distance there were beautiful rolling hills covered in purple and still further could be seen towering majestic mountains with snow covered peaks. The sky was that deep blue that seems impossible and looks like something in a Thomas Kinkade painting, with the occasional wisps of stratus clouds hovering tens of thousands of feet above.

As we walked across the fields, Jesus remained silent, but intently focused on His task of getting us to a certain destination. I kept anticipating that He’d say something, but He just marched forward with intensity and some urgency, and I followed along slightly behind Him wondering what He was going to show me.

After a period of time, how long I do not know, I could tell that we were headed towards an ancient California Oak Tree that towered above the fields. As we grew ever closer, I could see a small river running alongside the Oak tree, separating the fields of greens from the beginning of the foothills. Along the banks of the river were incredibly beautiful orange poppies in perfect bloom and color.

Regardless of Jesus’ purpose in this journey, it was a truly spectacular sight.

And then, we arrived at Jesus’ destination. In the shadows of the spreading branches of the California Oak Tree, He stopped. Turning to me, He reached out His hand in invitation for me to to take it.

I did.

Peace. Overwhelming peace flooded my being. The connection of my palm in His strong hands was like electricity to my soul. “All is well.” was my unconscious thought.

“Yes, all is well indeed.” He stated with warmth. “I’ve brought you here today precisely so that you can discover in a new way just how well things are for you, as you live with your hand in mine. Be still and be seated. There are things I must instruct you in.”

I did as I was told. My heart beating hard in my chest in anticipation. “What will He say? What mysteries will unfold? Am I being given a new assignment?” were my thought as my mind raced in excitement.

“Son.” He said, then paused.

“Yes?” I replied anxiously.

“Son, you have much to learn about my kind of living. You’ve allowed yourself to believe a hybrid ideal of what genuine life is all about, and I’m going to help you get some clarity on the real deal.” He said by way of introduction.

I looked at Him in wonder.

“As we sit under this Oak Tree,” he continued, “there are Truths to encounter that will help you see genuine life for what it really is, not the hybrid ideal that you’ve embraced.”

“What do you mean by hybrid?” I asked.

“You’ve embraced a mish-mash of ideas about abundant life. You’ve taken your late 20th century middle class American ideas of success, along with your ethnic and gender perspectives and you’ve mixed them with what you read in Scripture. Hence the hybridization. For instance, look around your culture. Everything is big. Big cars, big homes, even the size of your soft drinks is really really big. You may not know it, but you’ve identified that ‘bigger is better.’”

“That’s true.” I replied thoughtfully.

“Or, look at what is considered to be a successful church. Big. You’ve got a name for them: Mega Church. And the bigger a church is, the more people who attend, the more successful the pastor is. You know this is true! Go to a typical meeting of pastors, the first question that will be asked is, ‘how big is your church?’” He said all of this without even the slightest hint of anger or judgment.

“I want you to see things as they really are. No mixing of ideas, but clarity. Which is why I have brought you to my Oak Tree. When a young Oak Tree sprouts, it sends down a tap root deep into the earth. This tap root draws water from springs deep below the surface of the earth up into the furthest reaches of the young tree. From the tap root springs forth thousands of smaller roots that run parallel to the surface at an extremely shallow depth. The smaller roots extend further than the drip line of the branches of the tree, and provides a wide stance for the tree which enables it to withstand storms and winds. Without these shallow roots, the tree would be in danger of being blown over.” He instructed. “The tree must have the tap root going deep and the shallow roots going wide in order to thrive. Like the Oak Tree, you must go deep to find the nourishment that will lead you into genuine life that I’ve promised. Go deep into the mysteries of Who I AM, explore the unknown, walk away from the ordinary, superficialities of pop culture and live differently. And go wide, don’t get boxed in by small minded people or groups. Go wide, look for places where I am shining, and as you do, you’ll develop a wide stance that will enable you to weather the storms of life.”

“I’d never considered this before.” I replied.

“Listen, Son,” he spoke confidently, “This tree will be here for hundreds of years. It knows the source of life. This is what I want for you. Long term stability. I want you to recognize what real life is, and I want you to immediately recognize impostors. Go deep, go wide.”

“I said,” He continued, “‘I have come to give life even life abundant.’ This is what my highest goal for you is. I want you to experience genuine abundant living. Life in me is really, really good. It’s really free. Abundant life is life without rules, without limitations, the impossible becomes possible. Miracles become normal. Life in me is so much larger than anything that you’ve ever experienced. It’s larger than anything you’ve seen. I didn’t come to earth to call you to be religious. I didn’t come to call you to follow some set of moral guidelines. I came to set you free to be who I made you to be. This is life, I’ve called you to genuinely experience Me, and as you do so, your life takes on qualities that last forever!”

“But, what about what the Bible says? Aren’t there rules? Aren’t there things that I shouldn’t do?” I asked.

“Of course. But the rules have become too big in many people’s minds, in fact, the rules have replaced Me. Rules, principles, guidelines are not abundant life. I am abundant life. As you pursue friendship with me, rules just lose their importance. If you live in an atmosphere of genuine love, you don’t need rules. Love trumps rules.” He explained.

I thought about this for awhile. Initially, it was quite a conundrum. All of my life I had been instructed in following the rules, in keeping to what was expected of me. And while I was never perfect at it, and in many ways I’d always been quite rebellious against the rules, I still knew enough to do my best to obey. If for no other reason than fear. Fear of what might happen if I got caught breaking the rules. And now, I’m hearing Jesus present something quite differently to me.

“So,” I posed. “I don’t have to obey the rules and You’ll still love me? That can’t be right.”

“Look at it from a different perspective, Son.” He said. “I love you so much. I always have and I always will. My love isn’t going anywhere. Ever. I love you when you’ve got it together and I love you when you don’t. Here’s my question for you, given what I just said, how does that make you feel?”

I considered what He had said for a moment. His love wasn’t going anywhere, it wasn’t based upon my performance. He loves because that’s what He does. As I thought about it, the word “Safe” came to mind.

“That’s great. I want you to feel safe. And now that you feel safe, what do you want to do?” He asked.

Jesus asks great questions. He messes with your head. He really is good at causing you to think outside the box.

“Well, I want to show you that I love you for loving me first!” I replied.

“Exactly. You don’t need rules for that. It’s coming from within you.” He stated enthusiastically.

I thought about this for awhile. “I don’t need rules to show You that I love You. I get it. Because You love me, and I want to love you back, rules aren’t important. When I love, I want to do what is right to demonstrate my love! I get it!” I said as I experienced my ‘aha’ moment.

“Correctomundo, Son. You get it.” He said happily.

This was pretty revolutionary stuff. Certainly not what I had heard preached from many pulpits. The preoccupation most people in leadership seem to exhibit is that of trying to exercise control over their congregations via presenting certain expected norms that people need to adhere to. But Jesus was saying something very different. He wasn’t denying that certain behaviors are right or wrong, but He was saying that the ability to live according His standards is not found in what we do but in how much we are loved. If I am loved, I can love in return.

It was then that I looked up at the Oak Tree towering above us, and raised one more question.

“So, what do I do? How do I put this into practice? How do I go deep and go wide?” came my sincere question.

“Look for me. Search me out. All the time. Make it a little game you play, like ‘where’s Waldo!’” He said laughing out loud. “Seriously, in all circumstances, make sure that you look for My Presence. As you do so, I’ll make My life clear to you. Son, if you’ll make it your life goal to find Me, trust Me when I say, I’ll make Myself clear to you.”

“You aren’t going to wear a red stripped shirt are you?” I asked teasingly. I figured if He was going to mess with my head, I could mess with His a bit. Just a bit, though.

Dreams of Another Kind - Out of My Slumber Part One: Awakened In the Night

“Hey! Wake up!” the Voice cried aloud. “WAKE UP!”

I really don’t like being awakened in the middle of the night. I imagine you feel pretty much the same way. Sleep is a precious gift, and I was deep into it. But the Voice was insistent and wouldn’t be ignored.

“Get up! Hurry! Wake up. You can sleep when you’re dead!” the Voice said with some degree of humor.

Stirring in confusion from the deepest places of slumber, I awoke reluctantly, and with a bit of an attitude. The interruption was not appreciated.

As my eyes began to focus, I’m thinking, ‘Who the heck is this! And what are they doing in my bedroom? Is the house on fire or something!”

But when I was awake enough to make out who was there, I saw standing before me the unmistakable form of my life long best friend. It was Jesus Himself calling me out of my sleep.

“C’mon. Come with me. I’ve got something to show you.” He said with some alarm.

As I shook the clouds from my head, I wondered, “What does He want with me? Why now? Am I still asleep? Is this for real, or it is a dream. Wow, a dream within a dream?”

“It’s not a dream,” he said with a smile reading my mind effortlessly. “Now get your tush out of bed.”

It’s hard to argue with Jesus. Well, actually it’s impossible to win an argument with Him (being God and all), so my feet found the floor and my fingers began to rub the sleep from my eyes.

“Get your shoes on, we are going for a walk.” He said as if this kind of thing was perfectly normal.

I was too confused to do anything but tie my shoes.

Frodo Was Right

Frodo was right (ver. 2.0)
by Douglas Love on Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Frodo was right to leave the Shire. In the concluding scene of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, Frodo Baggins, having saved Middle Earth, decides unexpectedly to leave all that is familiar to him to travel to the unknown land of the Havens. It was the right thing to do.
 
Before he became the steward of the ring, he was just an average Hobbit happily living his life in the comforts of the Shire. The Shire contained all that he needed: Friendship, family, history, celebration, work, music, dance - it was a good place to live. But on his journey to Mount Doom to rid Middle Earth of the terror of the Ring, Frodo was transformed. Transformed into something far more than anyone, Frodo included, would ever have anticipated. Frodo became someone far larger than he’d ever been. And having been transformed, what used to be warm, familiar and comfortable was no longer enough. What used to satisfy, simply could not contain him. For his own sake, he had to press on for more. He had to leave the Shire.
 
And so too must we. Encountering Christ upsets all that is familiar, all that is comfortable. To meet Jesus is to be changed. Not simply a superficial alteration like losing a few pounds or quitting smoking, but a shift in DNA, a transformed perspective, a complete 180. Where we were once headed is no longer of interest, we must run with abandon towards Jesus!
 
You cannot remain the same, and go with God. I used to think: “Well, yeah, I’ll stop doing this, and I’ll start doing that...” meaning that I’d give up some bad habits and pick up some new, better ones in order to please God. But that isn’t even close to the heart of the matter. Frodo wasn’t changed in some superficial external manner, Frodo was changed at the very core of his being. All who encounter Jesus discover far more then we ever thought possible. We thought we were looking for a religion and what we find is a revolution.
 
And this is what Jesus intends when he says “you must be born again.” All of the old priorities, though good, pale by comparison. What was of value, somehow shifts – we see it differently through the eyes of Christ. Even precious relationships forged over time are altered and new relationships comprised of people longing for more of Jesus become vital, critical and irreplaceable.
 
Jesus says the strangest things like... “If you want to be my follower you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, more than your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:24 NLT). The older King James version translates it as ‘hate your own father...’ but doesn’t this contradict his message to love one another? No. He is talking about priorities. He is so amazing. His call is for us to live in a new manner, a new kingdom, with new priorities that are so extraordinary! Our love for Him is so dynamic that our human relationships appear by comparison to be ‘hate’. This isn’t a call to hatred, it is a call to extraordinary love.
 
And this extraordinary love draws us to make a choice: Will I go with Him into new lands, new experiences, new revelations - or - will I stay in the Shire? Will I release that which has been good in favor of something that is precious? Will I cry the tears of saying ‘goodbye’ in order to experience the unknown ‘hellos’ of the kingdom of God? Am I able to walk out of the valley of comfort and familiarity to the mountains of challenge and newness?
 
Frodo saw the greater vista. He knew he could never be satisfied with what previously was his source of satisfaction. He had to leave the Shire. Frodo answered the call to live his life in an entirely new way.
 
Jesus speaks to us to live differently than most, to walk out of step with 99% of those who are around us: “Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.” (Matthew 6:33-34a The Message).
 
In this new way of living, beauty unfolds. Majesty appears. Colors are brighter. Experiences occur beyond your wildest dreams. The impossible becomes possible, the ordinary takes on extraordinary meaning. Life becomes larger than before. Joy is normal.  Laughter is more frequent and with less restraint. Rules don’t much matter because relationship creates righteousness. Stress slips away. Tears flow, but without bitterness. Empathy builds. We walk in freedom and simply don’t need to control those around us because you are safe and confident.
 
It’s good that we don’t need to control others because there will be some who won’t be happy with our choices. They will try to hold us back. These aren’t bad people, but they cannot see what we see. And they are threatened by the choices we are making, we are upsetting what is familiar and what is comfortable.
 
Sam, Merry and Pippin were broken-hearted by Frodo’s decision to leave the Shire. They stood on the dock, tears streaming down their faces as they watched their beloved Frodo sail away. As we follow Jesus into new territory, our hearts will break because we will have to leave people behind. People that we love. People that love us. People that have stood with us - even carried us - as we climbed our Mount Doom. Some of them will cling to us - “Don’t go! What’s wrong with things as they are?” they’ll plead. Others will judge, criticize and condemn us for rising up and seeking more - “Well, who does she think she is?”
 
This is the price. That I would give up the lesser - even through it kills me to do so - in order to gain the greater. Martryed missionary Jim Elliot said: “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.”
 
In my own journey, as I began to discover new things and to change,  inevitably I sought to share this beauty with loved ones and church members. Some were excited and hungry for what I was describing. Some were uncomfortable and resistant. My change created a crisis, not just for myself, but for those who love me. This crisis upset the apple cart. Many walked away, disgusted: “This isn’t what I signed up for!”. Others liked where I was headed but weren’t willing to take the chance themselves. A few caught the vision and ran with it. One thing that I discovered is that when a loved one makes this change, it causes everyone around them to answer this question: “Do I value what is happening or is the price too high?”
 
God calls us all to a lifestyle of exploration and discovery. Change is normal for those who walk with Jesus. Regardless of the response of man, I must go with God. His calling trumps all other factors. Jesus offers ‘abundant life’ and we simply cannot get what He promises by doing life in the same old ways. We must not only be willing to die to self, but we must actually die to self. This isn’t a hypothetical idea, it is our destiny.
 
Frodo understood this with full clarity. He knew what he was giving up. He knew he’d never sit with his lifelong friends in the pub drinking ale again. He had danced his last dance under the Party tree in the Shire. What he saw through his new eyes of faith was irresistible. It held a promise that was so amazing that he was willing to give up all that he knew and loved in favor of what might be.  Hebrews 11 tells us that “Faith assures us of things we expect and convinces us of the existence of things we cannot see...” And then later on reminds us that people of faith are… “…longing for a better country - a heavenly country.” (Hebrews 11:1, 16 GWT).
 
The dynamic of a life-experience with Jesus draws us out from where we’ve been towards a land that we cannot quite see, but we intuitively know must exist. It is as if our true heart has finally found alignment with authentic hope and mandates that we step out of what we have known and have found comfort in and run towards what we do not know but we must find!
 
Once Frodo had the revelation, leaving the Shire was the only reasonable thing to do. Now the larger question is this? What about you?

Sarah with an "H"

My life didn’t get off to the best start. Born two months premature in the Spring of 1941 to starry-eyed teenaged lovers and made fatherless by my first birthday because of the War, I didn’t know just how badly the odds were stacked against me.

My name is Sarah Elizabeth MacKenzie. My mom called me SarahMac. I once had a theatre teacher in High School call me MacBeth. But I prefer Sarah - with an “h”.

“It’s you and me Sarah - but that’s enough, we will be just fine,” was the oft repeated encouraging word spoke by my ever-hopeful mother. No matter what happened in life, we had each other. Being widowed at such a young age, it’s truly remarkable all that she did for me. Even as a toddler, I knew that I could count on her to come through. “It’s you and me Sarah - but that’s enough, we will be just fine.”

Mom died when I was five, she was only 23. She had a rare form of leukemia. Her last words to me were: “Sarah, it’s just you now - but that’s enough, you’ll be just fine!”

That was over 20 years ago and I can still hear her fighting to get those words out, even as her body was surrendering to that horrible disease. I took to heart those words and have built my life on them. “It’s just me now - but that’s enough, I’ll be just fine.” It was too painful to love, to let people in, so I isolated, I withdrew. I adopted a ‘me against the world’ attitude.

I chose to excel at academics and graduated number one in my High School without ever attending a football game, a sleep over, or a dance. “On top” but completely alone. University was a breeze - completely funded with scholarships - but without any real friends. In four years I had nine different roommates - with all but the last one requesting a room transfer. The whispers in the dorms were painful but I kept up a tough external appearance, all the time dying inside. I began to see that this was just the way things were going to be for me. After all, they say ‘it’s lonely at the top,’ so I just figured that was my lot in life.

And now, I’m working in my chosen field. Doing well, advancing. A good reputation. Making plenty of money. I am rewarded on all fronts for my expertise, my competence, my work ethic and ultimately for what I contribute to the bottom line. But I am not ‘just fine’. I am miserable. I’m great at what I do, but I’m not great at who I am - I am lost, I am lonely and I just can’t take it any longer.

I’ve sat down to pen these words, so that hopefully someone will read them and they’ll come to know how very lost, how completely lonely, how totally empty I felt. I wanted someone to know why I’m making this choice. I didn’t want to be thought of as crazy or nuts, I didn’t see any other options.

I realize that you cannot know that I arrived early and stayed late at work because my apartment was empty. Sure it was furnished, quite nicely in fact, but it was empty of that which makes a home - life, laughter - dare I say it: love? I heard you share your stories of weekend trips, romantic dinners, home improvement projects, vacations and family reunions - I didn’t begrudge you your joy, I just didn’t have any sense that I could ever possess what you have. And the ache grew. It gnawed at me day after day and especially night after night. So when I finally went ‘home’ at the end of the day it was to a barren place filled with constant reminders of the walls that I’d built between myself and all others. I was alone. No one got in. I was self-sufficient. I could handle it. I was enough. I was not enough. I couldn’t handle it. I was not okay.

And strangely enough, I wanted someone to know. When they asked with shocked tones: “Why did she do it?” for once in my life I wanted people to know something about me. Maybe it was too late, but better late than never, they say.

Hope is a odd word. Odd because at the end of what little hope I possessed, I suddenly discovered that I was too much of a coward to do what I had planned. And at that point, ‘something’ or ‘someone’ caused me to remember another message my long dead mother had given me - something long forgotten, buried deep in my unconscious mind, something that in my pain and in my aloneness I had blocked and buried, long forgotten. But when I remembered it, I knew it to be true.

What came to my memory was the look on my dying mother’s face as she lay in her hospital bed. Her beautiful and unforgettable face was filled with two powerful things: absolute love for me and a knowing anguish that she would not be there for me. Oh, God, how could I have forgotten that look? How could my memories have been so clouded?

In my heartbreak of remembrance, I saw something for the first time ever, in the midst of my self-imposed darkness, a new light of truth appeared: The most important message she tried to give me, I had missed because of my pain! I was blind to what was right in front of me. And that message was this: I had never loved another human being like she had loved me. She loved me without question, and with great sacrifice. In her deepest sorrow and pain, she still knew how to love. But my pain, sorrow and grief caused me to selfishly dig deep foxholes of so-called protection around my heart. I tried to protect myself by going inward and all I did, really, was hurt myself! Suddenly it became clear to me - I not only pushed people away from me, but I pushed me away from them!

What I could finally see was that my biggest problem wasn’t that I had lost so much, but that I’d had never chosen to risk loving another human being. I had never reached beyond myself to another, I never opened my heart to let another person in.

Could I change? After being so self-sufficient, was I even able to love like my mother loved? Did I even know where to start? Could I let another person in? It seemed like too much. I had lived this way for a long, long time.

One thing I knew for sure, was that I couldn’t keep going the way I’d been going.

So what was my choice? What was the decision that I reached?

It’s been three years now since that great remembrance, but on that day Love reached down and gave me the courage to look past myself and my pain and to make a choice to love others. Since that day, so much has changed.

I’d love to tell you more, but my husband needs some help with the baby. My name is Sarah - with an “h” for ‘hope-filled’!

Introduction to Douglas Love Storyteller

It took me a while to figure this out, nearly 50 years. Apparently I'm a slow learner. But, better late than never! What I came to understand is that Jesus is really serious in his offer to grant 'abundant life' to His people. After living as a sincere, serious Christian for a long time, Holy Spirit opened my eyes to see that "I have come that you might have life, even life abundant!" (John 10:10) is Jesus' goal for all people! In order to learn to live in abundant life, I had to let go of lesser things that were actually substitutes that religion offers. That was painful. What if I were wrong? What if... Anyway, I'm more than glad to say that anything that I let go of was in reality of zero value in my life, and that the things that He has revealed to me over the past decade or so have been vastly superior! I've even developed a motto that helps me to keep a clear head (most of the time), "If it doesn't contribute to life, I'm not interested." You cannot even imagine how much nonsense I've avoided when I ask that simple question. Here's the thing, I believe that YOU are designed to live abundantly. And since I don't have a pulpit anymore (for which we should all be glad), I'm discovering that writing fictional tales allows me to creatively express what God is doing in my heart. I hope you'll find encouragement here to take up Jesus on his offer.